He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
