i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
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