Well now I have my semen on her headphones
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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