omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
