Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
