please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
