you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
