Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
