Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
