Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Randomize
