she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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