It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Randomize
