I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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