Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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