I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Randomize
