"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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