Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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