I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Randomize
