TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
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