Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
