I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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