I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
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