need another drink. this is the easiest way
gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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