if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Randomize
