Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
