I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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