I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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