We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
Someone shit on the floor
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
