I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
