Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
