He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
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