haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
God, you're like boner-b-gone
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
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