my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Randomize
