It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I'm getting married
To pizza
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
Randomize
