im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Randomize
