Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
