come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Randomize
