it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
