I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
