it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
