god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Randomize
