Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
She needs sedatives and a leash
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
