glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Randomize
