Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Randomize
