if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Randomize
