i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
