so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
Randomize
