i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
