I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Randomize
