She is in my trunk
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Randomize
