Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
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