I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
