We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
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