when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
