Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
farters have to be the big spoon...
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
