And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Randomize
