My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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