just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
