They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Randomize