I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
