Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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