i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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