she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
