So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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