Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
