Soap is not a condiment
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
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