I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
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