god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
