dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
I wanna passion pit in your ass
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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