o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
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