He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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