If i come over, it means nothing
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
