God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Randomize
