we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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