if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
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