i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
