she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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