Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
