His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize