So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
