Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
